MATHEMATICS OF BEING A MUM

1 house x (no. of rooms in the house + the no. of times they need to be cleaned x the no. of days in a week)
+ the no. of times you need to go shopping + the no. of times you need to run out for something you forgot
x the no. of school runs
x the ballet run
x the football run
x no. of times all the kids come to yours
double it
÷ the no. of relatives that live nearby that don't insist they brought up their kids so you bring up yours
÷ the number of hours that hubby is at home - (the amount of time he's not in front of the football + the amount of time he's not in the shed)
÷ the number of breaks for a cuppa
x the number of times you break up a fight
÷ the number of arms you have
x the number of wines you guzzle at night
now double it
+ the number of times you yell 'Don't do that!'
- the last time you did something for yourself
+ (the no. of nervous breakdowns + no. of grey hairs) squared
x the no. of kids you have
x baby, cubed (the mathematical way, not the chopping way!)

= a Mum