MY HUSBAND, MY DETRACTOR

Whilst in conversation with a mum the other day she told me that her husband wasn't supportive of her interest in coaching or NLP because he thought it was airy fairy.  It took me straight back.  To the many conversations and situations dotted throughout my relationship with my ex where I found myself in exactly the same position.  'Coaching was hippie'ish' 'I shouldn't expect any money to put into a business' It's great you've achieved this but what's it worth?'

I can't recall a time when I felt truly understood or supported by my ex and the reason was that he was Mr Practical and I was Mrs Passionate.  He believed that you worked to provide for your family and that if you enjoyed it, then that was a bonus.  I believed, and still do, that you only get one life and you should try to do what you truly love and makes you happy. 

This is a fab way to live life if you are single but what happens when worlds collide?  Who backs down?  Who gets to make the decisions?  Where is the compromise?  Because my partner was so traditional he assumed because he made the money (I was working part-time in a pub and looking after our daughter) he was in charge of spending it; and it wasn't on my business.  Arguments were futile as he was only interested in business plans and forecasts, as if these were the only indicators of business success.  

So, how did we work things out?  Well, I wish I could sum this blog up with a neat little tip on how to deal with a conflict like this but in the end, for he and I, there was only separation.  Our views on business and life were just too different.  I would much rather live on a modest income and pursue those things in life that make me truly happy, trusting my gut and not just the facts and figures.  And to this day I'm still running my business and I love, love, love it!

Also in this series: Leaving the Country with Daughter, but not Dad

FROM RACE DAY TO REALISATION IN 4 EASY STEPS

My first thought was 'no way!' No way am I ever, ever going to compete in a mums race at my daughter's school.  This year or any year.  I fumbled around for an excuse and came up with something along the lines of breastfeeding and tearing down a racetrack not mixing.

The truth of it was I was emotionally scarred from years of having to compete in school sports, always limping in last, cheeks burning.

Safely ensconced on the side lines I watched the other mums line up for the sound of the gun.  They varied in shape, size and dress.  A lot of them looked in worse shape than me.  However it wasn't until they were streaking past that it dawned on me:

1. Where once I always came in last, the playing field had levelled a bit.  

2. If I decided to run I might actually finish safely tucked in the middle of the pack. (I'm not deluded enough to actually think I would ever win!)

3. My opportunities as far as winning races had changed without even realising it. 

4. I was still leading my life according to events experienced when I was 10 or 11.

Beliefs and limitations I had taken for granted all my life were turned on their head. How many other opportunities had I missed without even questioning my choices? By the time the competitors tumbled across the finish line all red faces and wild hair I had decided to make sure future decisions were informed, and not based on someone I was 20 or 30 years ago.

I'm still not sure if you'll see me taking my place at the start line next year. But I do know that if I don't, I'll be making an enlightened choice. And who knows, maybe I'll still be breastfeeding...

THE MUMPRENEURS' MEOW

The comment cut clear across the room. One minute I'm getting tips on blogging, the next I'm listening to a Mumpreneur slagging off their competitor. I was shocked to say the least, partly because it was in front of a room full of people and partly because it came out of the mouth of a mum in business.

Now, I may be a babe in the wood but I really thought mums in business were different to most other types of business-folk in that they are so much more generous with their time, support and advice. At my Businessmums' Networking Lunches photographers sit side-by-side and help each other out (my events are non-exclusionary).

But this mum was proving herself the opposite of everything I had come to believe and try as I might, I couldn't understand the comment. Who starts a business with the belief they will never have any compeition? Who thinks that talking about a competitor in such a manner will make them look anything but unprofessional?

So mums, please join me in appreciating your competition. You will come out looking great and they will keep you on your toes. Plus, it's far cleverer to beat out your competitor by being better than them, rather than bagging them.

Have you been put down by your competition or given the cold shoulder by someone 'loyal' to your competitor? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE MICRO SCOOTER MUMS

Clearly, at the set-up stage of any business its vital, and likely to be a financial necessity, that you immerse yourself in all aspects of the running of your company, so that you develop an intimate understanding of how to create success both logistically and financially. Equally, we’ve learnt the importance of planning and being confident enough to be prepared for success, right from the word go.

In terms of practice, this means as well as focusing on the immediate objectives of engaging with customers and delivering income, that you try to allow yourself the time to look to the future. Doing so can help ensure that, early on, you have a clear vision of the systems and support required to enable the business to scale up.

Thinking and acting big, even when you’re just a start up will, hopefully, help avoid over-burdening yourself with time-consuming and ineffective working practices. It can ensure that you can keep pace with the requirements of a growing business and help you successfully navigate, work alongside and compete with bigger more established companies in your market sector.

Specifically, we’ve learnt (sometimes the hard way), that fundamentals such as relationships with suppliers and financial business partners, can mean the difference between success and failure. For example, many businesses fail not because their ideas are bad but because of a lack of cash flow forecasting and so it is key to get a good working relationship with your bank manager.

It’s also true what they say, great businesses are built on great people. For us, with growing success has come the realisation of the commercial and personal value of not continuing to be a jack of all trades. Learning to delegate to professionals with specific, relevant experience saves on time and, sometimes, un-necessary mistakes. This is perhaps particularly relevant for women like ourselves who juggle our business with hectic home-lives and bringing up young families.

Focus on the bits of the business that can’t do without you and for the rest, find the best people for the job and trust them get on with it. Whether that be a great accountant or book-keeper who’s an expert with tools such as quick-books and can help with budgeting and financial management, or marketing professionals who you can call on to provide resource as and when it’s required. If they’re good at their jobs you should reap the commercial rewards from the investment.

The Micro Scooter mums, Anna and Philippa, are speaking at the Businessmums' Networking Lunch, hosted by Mothers Life in conjunction with Motivating Mum on June 22 in Blackheath.

TOP BUSINESS TIPS FROM EMMA JONES, ENTERPRISE NATION

I have been self-employed and running businesses for 11 years. That’s a little over a decade. And there’s a lot of learning that’s been crammed into that time!

So are there things I wish someone had told me when I was starting out? You bet! Here’s five of them.

1. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a Prince

I’m hoping with this as the first lesson, you’re still taking me seriously! What I mean by this is when you’re looking to partner with others to build your business, a number of these partnerships or relationships will fall by the wayside. The fit isn’t right, the other party doesn’t represent your brand in the way you wish, you’re not confident in their credentials – whatever the reason, don’t settle for anything less than the best – it’s your business that’s at stake!

2. Go with your gut

If a negotiation doesn’t feel right, finish it. It’s unlikely to get any better.

3. Follow the golden triangle

In keeping the business in balance, try to spend a third of your time on three things; business development, customer care, and admin.

4. Innovate, Innovate, Innovate

Strive to be first to market; whether that be with a new product or a new way to promote yourself/your service. Stand out from the crowd and take in as much as you can (by reading/watching/listening) as this helps creativity flow.

5. Be patient

Realising your vision may take a little longer than you thought but don’t ever let go of that vision. For me, patience is a virtue I’m still having to learn!

Emma Jones is founder of Enterprise Nation www.enterprisenation.com, a business expert and author of ‘Spare Room Start Up’ and ‘Working 5 to 9’. She is sharing her tips and advice at the Mothers Life Businessmums' Networking Lunch in association with Motivating Mum.

NETWORK WITH CONFIDENCE

I went to a meeting this Wednesday in town at Enterprise UK for a brainstorm with other female members of the steering group for Women's Enterprise Day.

What started as pride that I had been asked to join a group of remarkable women ended in fear that I had been asked to join a group of remarkable women. Reading the bios of all involved was an endless list of awards, titles, company names, experience - I was well and truly cr*pping myself! How was I supposed to walk into this room and say anything that wouldn't expose me for the largely inexperienced businessmum that I was?

To get the most out of this opportunity I knew I needed to walk in with more than quaking knees and squeaky voice so I did what any life coach would do, I coached myself!

The first thing I did was tell myself that bios are written to make people look great and the bios provided certainly did that! However, it didn't say how long it took them to get these awards and achieve their titles. Bios also don't outline fears, insecurities and failures.

I also reminded myself that, as I am a mum relatively new to business (3 years), I was able to truly represent my clients and members, their challenges and concerns in the meeting. I did have something very valid to offer!

What else? Well, I assured myself I was chosen to attend so the organisers must have seen something in me that maybe I hadn't and I focussed on the fact that I would be able to meet some amazing women in business and would learn a thing or two.

Lastly, I recognised this was a challenge and I could either overcome my fears and grow or miss an opportunity. When faced with this decision, I chose the former as I want my life to be about growth, learning, trying new things. And I did it. And it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had made it to be in my head (it never is). And now I'll be able to walk into the same situation in the future and feel confident and prepared.

FEEL THE STRESS AND DO IT ANYWAY

So, one month into being a mum with a baby, a toddler and a business and I am a tad stressed. Add to that workload the fact that I only have two weeks to apply for a Visa for my partner for Australia (which usually takes most people a month or more to get together) and I am the closest I have ever been to going grey!

It's hard! Fitting a whole little person into a life that was already crammed to over-flowing. And, of course, initially you fool yourself into thinking you'll still do everything you did before but there are areas of your life that suffer, like sleep, like replying to emails, like Twitter and before you know it you're like a greyhound at the track trying to catch that rabbit. I knew I had reached this point the other day when I found myself gripping the steering wheel of the car, white knuckled. I was so wound up and tense thinking about all the things I hadn't achieved.

So, what to do? Well, number one is to believe everything that everyone tells you about having two. It is more than twice the work and god help you if they aren't a good eater, sleeper, are ill etc etc. In fact, prepare for the worst and then if it's any better than that, you'll almost feel you've been let off the hook!

Number two is to try and continue doing everything you want to but at the same time take note of what's not fitting in and think about why. Is it because you always wanted a good excuse not to fulfill this task? Does the time of day/week need to be changed to fit it in? Where would it fit better with your new responsibilities? Try moving things about. Fitting them in different slots and give yourself time to find a new fit.

Number three is to be honest about whether everything actually still fits in. When you put a brick in a bucket of water some of the water is displaced. Your time is the same. You only have a finite amount and adding a baby to the mix may mean other activities/chores will overflow. What can you let go (even if it's just for the time being)? What can you do smarter? What can you get other people to do? Rather than just allowing the the end of your to do list to get pushed back every day, conciously think about and choose what you want to maintain and achieve in your life and what you want to let go.

Number four is to allow a routine to reveal itself. Life, and babies, have their own natural rhythms and if you give them time you may find that things work out.

Number five is don't compare yourself to anyone else - or if you must do it (as we're all prone to) then remember what you're seeing is only a small percentage of the total picture. It's easy to believe that everyone else is doing so much better than you but it's most likely they're just putting a brave face on it when the washing and dishes are piling up, their email inbox is over flowing and they're so stressed they've bitten nails down to the quick!

Number six is to reflect on what you have achieved every day. That day in the car, instead of thinking of all I hadn't done, I started to think about what I had done; bathed and dressed Freya, dressed Amelie, made beds, played with Amelie, Twitter for 30 min, made breakfast, lunch and dinner, sent some emails, made two phone calls, chatted to my boyfriend, showered and dressed, washed dishes, washed and hung out clothes, updated my website, changed nappies... and lo and behold, I started to get some colour back in my knuckles!

TWITTER FOR TWITS

I had a very fab and informative session on Twitter this week with the extremely lovely and generous Sam Jones of www.samjonesphotography.co.uk. Although I am on Twitter quite a bit, it took a session with Sam to make me realise how much I still didn't know!

I would have to say the top 10 tips I took from the session would have to have been:

1. Even when you start up, have a good idea of the types of things you would like to know, learn and hear so you can determine who to follow. Rather than just following people willy nilly.

2. Treat Twitter like you would networking in person. How do you connect with people at these events? It's not by pushing a business card or flyer in their hand and walking off, it's about sharing and showing interest in the people you're interacting with.

3. The # in front of words means that when people search for particular terms or people i.e. #muminbusiness any tweets with that particular wording will show up.

4. It's great to have a picture of you as your profile pic so people can connect with you.

5. It's okay to post the same message a few times in the same week to ensure everyone sees it. I posted a pic of my new daughter five times and Sam still missed it!

6. Don't be afraid to unfollow people if their tweets are no longer relevant. Chances are they won't even realise you've stopped following.

7. Try and use some key terms in your bio that describe you and your business as people can find you in a search that way.

8. Don't under post as you just won't come upon people's radars at all.

9. Don't over post either - no one wants to know you're eating a bacon sandwich, you finished your bacon sandwich, you washed your plate...

10. When you're starting up, look at your competitors followers and follow them also. Chances are they'll be your market too.

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WHAT I LEARNT FROM CATH KIDSTON

I was lucky enough yesterday to attend the launch of the first Businessmums' Networking Lunch in Chiswick, hostedby my lovely associate Caroline, and was educated and inspired by the great Cath Kidston. Those that attended, and those that missed out because it was booked out, will know what I mean.

I loved listening to Cath because, first and foremost, she's hilarious, secondly she's very approachable and lastly, because she reminded each and every one of us that she was, and is, just like us and made us realise that there is no secret to success. It's a step by step process and it takes time, energy and passion.

What I learnt from Cath during her talk is that you can be a success focussing primarily on the desire to do something creative with your life instead of the need to make a fortune, and make a fortune in the process! She likened the building of her business to raising a child. She always wanted her child to flourish and didn't particularly care if her child married a rich or poor person.
This attitude to money meant that she resisted borrowing money, grew slowly and reinvested much of what she made. Much like Laura Tenison of JoJo Maman Bebe did (see my previous blog).

Cath also spent a lot of time on her brand and developed a strong idea of what she wanted Cath Kidston to represent; practicality and prettiness. This focus has allowed her to develop a name that is instantly recognisable, understand which products to develop and ensure her market are able to relate to her ongoing.

The last thing she really impressed on me was that it can be scary sharing your business but the only way to achieve success is by doing just that, letting people come in and doing what they're good at. Cath felt that as a businesswoman she needed to be honest with herself and identify the areas she would never be good at, or wouldn't want to do, and farm them out.

Other things I learnt from Cath were:

• Don't make ironing covers out of flammable materials.
• Don't have someone else negotiate orders for you in Czech or you could end up with a pallet of duvet covers.
• Get help with areas you don't excel at, like warehousing, otherwise a customer may get an empty can of Special Brew with their order.

So I'm going to walk away from yesterday's lunch knowing that I am running my business because I am passionate about what I do, that I won't be aggressive financially and it will never be all about making money (or even a little bit) and that I can still be a success anyway. What a lovely lesson to learn x

WHAT I LEARNT FROM LAURA TENISON

From time to time during the three years running my business the issue of money has come up. Not the lack of it, I've always had enough to get by, but the question of whether my business was financially viable when all was said and done. The answer? I honestly have no idea. To date, I have never sat down and actually worked out how many hours I worked and whether I was running at a loss when I accounted for my hours. I love what I do so it seemed fine not to account for something that is just so fun!

My ex was the opposite. His first question when I would share good news with him on my business would always relate to cash. How much are you making? What is the profit? I used to get so annoyed as rather than sharing in my joy of achieving something personal it always boiled down to money. And, in the world of business, this is the norm.

Well, so I thought. But at the Laura Tenison (MD of Jo Jo Maman Bebe -http://www.jojomamanbebe.com/) lunch today, run by my associate Clare of SE London Mumpreneur Network (http://selondonmumpreneurs.blogspot.com/) she shared the unthinkable - money isn't important to her, job satisfaction is! I couldn't believe my ears as this is what I have been waiting for all my business life - to hear someone so successful in business share the fact that you can create a success built on crazy notions like doing something you love, investing in people, donating to charity.

It made me believe that maybe I could do it too - and wouldn't have to go down the road of trying to make people membership for Motivating Mum (something I have been advised to do but have always resisted) or increase my prices for lunches and events (as I want them to be accessible to everyone).

It also made me realise that there are different reasons people enter into business and it doesn't always have to be about making millions. Although in the pursuit of your passion, you just might make them anyway...

MULTI TASKING MUM TIP #1

Tip #1

When was the last time you sat down and really thought about what you spend your time on each day? How many activities do you fulfill that you simply take for granted as a necessary part of your day? I know of one woman that irons her sheets and another that spends a lot of time doing dishes while her kids watch tv.

I'm not saying don't do these things (hey! who am I to argue with the smoothness of an ironed sheet?!) but sit down and ask yourself, in the grand scheme of things, do you need to do them? What can you delegate? What can you do faster? With less fuss? Are there other things you would prefer to be doing? If so, what? And what jobs do you want to continue with because they mean so much to you?

Now I know you're reading this thinking fab, great idea, but when do I get the time to do this with that pile of washing/accounting staring at me from across the room? Well, for the very organised, a little time keeping throughout the day in a notepad is very easy. For those with an aversion to list-making, how about a review of your day in the ads of your fave show of before bed? Or, even crazier, how about you tell your hubby/kids what you're trying to achieve and ask they cook dinner/wash up/look after themselves for 10 min a day for a week while you dedicate yourself to this exercise?

The point is that it will take time initially, but the time and stress it could save you in the end could be immeasurable. And isn't it about time you did something for yourself?

I'd love to hear your successes/challenges in achieving this exercise. Let me know how you do by replying to this post! Cheers, Alli

WHEN ALL GOES TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET

One of the pics I would have lost...


Last week my computer died. Just like that, gone. I gently slipped my baby in it's case and took it to my computer guy (Jim Wu of Ayooda jim.wu@ayooda.co.uk) to be told the prognosis. There was no chance of recusitation and he had never seen anything like it - usually there was a window where you could extract all the information you had been meaning to, but never had, backed up. My only chance was to send it off to a lab where, thankfully, my photos, email addresses, work could all be retrieved for a mere ₤450! It sounds a lot but faced with the prospect of losing all the videos and pictures of my daughter it was a mere pittance.

So, the week spent computer-less was hell to say the least. I am in the middle of relaunching my website and business and had to spend many hours in an internet cafe dealing with slow connection speeds and other customers talking on skype at the tops of their voices. Making contact with clients and associates was attempted through twitter and google, with many of my clients not listed in either. I had to contact people to ask them to comb through their deleted files to find work I had sent and I had to let a Brainstorm session slip by as I didn't have the resources to make it happen. Thankfully, my computer is back now and I am in the land of the connected. My fingers haven't stopped typing since I got it back and I knew one of things I wanted to do first was to write this blog and remind everyone to back their computer up - now! It isn't worth the time, money or stress to put it off to tomorrow...I should know.

NO SALE!

Working as a life coach and business mentor for the last three years, I have come across many challenges and issues mums face in trying to run their own business; time management, dealing with guilt etc. However, one of the major obstacles mums seem to come up against time and again is that they have difficulty selling their product or service. They aren't 'sales people'.

Ask any businessmum to describe her business and it's benefits and they could probably explain to you in glowing and passionate terms what they do and why they do it. Ask them to sell you their business and they clam up. Why? Although I've asked for the same thing simply using different wording, many people assume that use of the word sell implies pushiness or forcing a product or service onto someone that isn't interested. For example, when you think of a salesperson, how do you picture them? A bored girl in a shop, a car salesman? Or something different?

It makes sense that when starting out with an opinion of sales like this, it is always going to be difficult to sell yourself or your business. So, why not challenge those long-held beliefs? Think about all the people who have to sell in their line of work and how many of them actually fall into this category. Can a different picture of a salesperson be developed?

Alternately, why not classify the action of selling as something other than sales. For example, informing or enthusing (choose a word that suits you and your personality). If the burden is simply to inform a possible client about a product rather then sell , does this lift the pressure? Is the process approached with a lighter heart?

The second thing a lot of mums assume about selling is that it implies concluding with a sale, often by 'coaxing' or 'pressuring' a client into it. It doesn't need to be this way. If you truly understand your market and what they want and can present a product or service in such a way that it appeals, sales will be created simply by making people aware of what is on offer. Assuming the demand is there, of course.

Some other great ways to combat the no sale are:

1. Look for instances in your business life when you have successfully created a situation for clients to come to you. Refer to these positive examples when thinking about sales.

2. Visualise sales situations where you are informative and passionate and you get sales without pushing.

3. Remind yourself why your product is great and why people would want to buy it.

4. Be prepared that some people won't be interested in buying and this is not a reflection on you.

5. Ask for feedback on why they didn't buy i.e. price, timing, not needed. With this feedback you'll then be able to reposition the product better to appeal to future buyers.

Selling needn't be stressful or pressured. Approached positively, it can simply be a celebration of what you do and who you are and, in the end, aren't people more likely to buy from someone enthusiastic about their business than someone trying to force it down their throat?

YOGABUGS MD MOTIVATES MUMS!

I hosted my last lunch of the year today, the Businessmums' Networking Lunch. This one featured yet another amazing and inspiring mumpreneur, Lara Goodbody, MD of Yogabugs.

It never ceases to amaze me just how motivating it can be listening to a mum, even when she works in a field that I personally have no experience with. She outlined her story, how Yogabugs has grown from an idea to an international company over the last six years and educated us with her personal do's and don'ts.

What I am taking away personally is:

1. It is hard work being a franchisor and it takes a lot of time, energy and money.
2. You need to be brutal and be prepared to make the hard decisions to protect your business. This includes letting go of franchisees when they aren't working out - no matter how lovely they are.
3. You can't let an investors interest in your business go to your head. You still need to maintain your own vision of your company and future and don't compromise it for anything.
4. Don't just go with the first investment opportunity that comes along, wait until the right one comes along for you.
5. As a Mum, be prepared to be breast feeding and typing on your computer with the other hand. If you want to be a success you may not have the luxury of taking maternity leave from your business.
6. Turning down finance on Dragon's Den can sometimes be a good thing. Lara did this and the resulting coverage was better than taking on the offers.
7. Being available to speak at events and answering questions is a great way of securing your success and having a whole lot of mums think you're fab!

There was also plenty of inspiration and information from my attendees:

Christina Waite of Fat Free Mama (www.www.fatfreemama.com) not only helps mums lose weight and stay in shape but also offers busy mums recipes and shopping lists which I think is ingenious!

Emma Hammett of First Aid for Life (www.firstaidforlife.co.uk) is achieving her business dreams whilst maintaining her integrity and beliefs.

Stephanie Hughes of Pilates Formation (www.pilatesformation.co.uk) proved to me how important it can be to have a website - she gets most of her business from her site - and she built it herself!

All in all a great day - and it inspired me to get home and get working on my own business!

WELCOME TO THE WORLD

Honestly? I can't believe I am sitting here doing this. So why am I, you ask? Peer pressure. Pure and simple. There are only so many times you can be told you need a blog before some small part of you starts asking, do I? The problem was that I always thought blogs were people writing about how they baked a cake that day, or had an interesting thought or experience, and I didn't really think that the world needed another blog full of information that I would never take the time of day to read myself. It got me thinking. I needed to create a blog that I would read. And so here it is, the Motivating Mum blog. How I do what I do every day (or week). a blog that I am hoping people might be able to take something from like a new way of managing time or not doing it, as the case may be. A little trick to help get through the cleaning quicker. A way of promoting your business better, or not promoting it. Learn from my inspirations, my mistakes, my gleaning of information from other mums, my endless search to do things better and faster myself.

Cheers! Alli